3 Easy Ways to Better Uplift Your Man and Build Your Relationship
Have you ever had a boss, teacher, or authority figure in your life that was a total negative Nancy?! They were always pointing out the negative instead of the positive, punishing more than praising?
How did that make you feel? Discouraged? Angry? Let down? Hurt?
At my old, part-time job I had a manager just like that and it really took a toll on my work and attitude. It was frustrating, discouraging and decreased my desire to do my best!
Sometimes ladies, as girlfriends and wives, we can be like my old manager. A complete negative Nancy.
In relationships, there are times when we need to correct our partner or point out something that needs changing. It's normal and healthy. However, it's easy to get in a pattern of doing it the wrong way.
We start to fall into the habit of nagging instead of nurturing, groaning instead of growing: a dark pit that very well could destroy your relationship!
Essentially, it's not about what you say but how you say it.
Nagging vs. Nurturing
Let's talk about the difference in nagging and nurturing.
When you think of the word nagging, what comes to mind? Probably something negative, right? It's not really an action looked upon in a positive light. That's because nagging is usually used to point out something negative about someone in a negative way. It says why someone isn't good enough. What they don't do.
Now, think about nurturing.
Very positive. Nurturing is more than correcting the wrong. It's about taking care of someone and helping them to grow!
When we nurture our man, we don't just point out what he's done wrong or where he's lacking. We give him a way to do better! And show him that we believe he's good enough and capable of improvement.
We should encourage him and give a solution to the problem.
When we choose to lovingly address opportunities for change in our partner instead of hurtfully condemning or pointing out weaknesses, we open a door for new growth in our relationship and in each other!
Good, Not Harm
In Proverbs 31:10-12 it says, "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."
Even if you and your man aren't married yet, you can take great wisdom from this verse!
Keywords and phrases like "excellent," "good," "no lack of gain," and "not harm" emphasize the importance of us ladies being the best we can be to our men. Our words are important to them and can either build them up or tear them down!
If we choose our words wisely, deciding to speak life into our boyfriends, fiances, and husbands... If we show them the grace, love, and forgiveness that God shows us everyday... If we do them good, and not harm... Then we will always have their trust, build them into better men and be a blessing to their lives!
Now, who doesn't want to do that?!
Another way we can do our man good is by getting in the Word together as a couple! When a man and woman study the Bible together, they can more easily put God at the center of their relationship and point each other to Him. I don't know of a better way to be more good to my man than that!
10 to 1 Rule
So, now that we've addressed how to correct our man, let's talk about how much to do it.
It's very important to address problems when they arise and however often is needed. Letting negative actions carry on for too long can give the wrong impression and allow habits to form.
However, every time you point out one thing to your boyfriend or husband that he needs to improve on, I challenge you to point out ten more things that he does well!
That's right! You heard me! Ten things.
This doesn't have to be all at once. But start making it a habit to be positive by uplifting and complimenting your man. This is all a part of nurturing.
We aren't just here to correct. We're also here to give credit where credit is due!
It says in Proverbs 16:24, "Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Think about the power of this verse!
Kind and uplifting words are compared here to the very food that keeps us alive. Choose to speak life-giving morsels into your man everyday, giving him the strength that he needs! You'll not only see a difference in his attitude, but also in yours. And your relationship as a whole will benefit!
The 3 Steps!
If you need some help putting all of this into practice, I've written out some basic steps that you can follow everyday! Write these down and keep them fresh in your mind. Eventually, it'll become habit! :)
1. If your man does something that irritates you or makes you angry, STOP!
Take a moment to collect yourself and think about what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. Consider how you can speak graciously, and correct him with intention, not irritation. Nurture, don't nag.
2. If you need to discuss with your man something he's done wrong, end the conversation with something that he's done right!
It's all about balance here. No one likes admitting their faults, so his pride may be hurting a little. That's ok! It's human. But help him out by letting him know you're still proud of him and love him no matter what! (REMEMBER the 10 to 1 rule!)
3. Continuously encourage and compliment your man throughout the day!
Send a good morning text saying that you hope he has an awesome day.
Randomly call to say I love you.
If you know he's feeling down, encourage him with a hug and kind words.
If he's done something for you, tell him how thankful you are.
When he has a big test or a job interview, remind him of all the reasons that he's good enough to succeed.
Compliment his new haircut or the outfit he's wearing. If you think he looks good, girl, then tell him!
No thing is too big or too small to point out in a positive light. And remember to be specific!
As Christians, we're called to build each other up. This doesn't stop when it comes to our romantic relationships. Choose to speak life and love into your man, today!
P.S.- When it comes to speaking life into your partner, it goes both ways! Work on this aspect of your relationship together with your man by using my FREE Speak Life devotional for couples! It includes two learning guides (one for you and one for him), a reality check quiz, and discussion questions!
This guide will help both you and your man learn the type of nurturing you each need based on Biblical teaching, how to use your words to lift each other up, and ultimately work together to build a stronger relationship!
Yours In Christ,
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
"Let no corrupting talk come from your mouths, but only such as it is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29
"So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding." Romans 14:19
"A gracious woman gets honor." Proverbs 11:16